Something beginning with 'C'...

On Friday last, the gates of the Big Brother house closed for the penultimate time. This was the last gasp of the 'Celebrity' version, the nation's knee has yet to fully press down upon the wheezing chest of the prole equivalent, terminally ill though it is. Not that the death of the father of streaming reality TV will mean the death of reality TV as a whole, rest assured that Ant and Dec will continue feeding witchetty grubs to people we vaguely recognise for a few years yet.

This year the two series had a vague crossover, with novelty weather-balloon Jordan appearing in 'I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here' and her boyfriend, cage-fighter/actor/perma-tanned waxed chimp Alex Reid appearing in Celebrity Big Brother. Jordan's ex, bizarrely willied (Google the sex tape) Dane Bowers was also present in the house. Presumabaly Peter Andre was busy, which is a shame because the three of them could have formed a Barber-Shop trio specialising in songs about boobs. They could have called themselves 'The Three Tits'. Sadly, not to be.

Now when Jordan was in the jungle she complained about the public vicitmising her by voting for her to perform the various grim food challenges. Poor lamb. Who would have thought that viewers would like to watch an awful person having shit thrown at her. I really didn't see that coming, and presumably neither did she or she would have ducked.

As with many celebrities, Jordan went in ostensibly to prove that she is more than just a big pair of tits, and is not the bitch that the press painted her out to be. So we were treated to a variety of deep conversations.

"What did you think of me? What were your expectations?"
"I thought you'd be a bitch"
[blank face]
The conversation would then move on to talk about her tits.

Also whilst in the jungle, Jordan dumped her boyfriend (cage-fighter/actor/perma-tanned waxed chimp Alex Reid ) because she didn't love him. Upon exiting the show, she then left Australia in a hurry as she heard that he had arrived in the country to see her, no doubt slightly perplexed. Fortunately in the lead-up to Celebrity Big Brother, as media interest in him grew, Jordan remembered that she did in fact love him and so they got back together. Then he won the show! And she remembered she didn't just love him, she really loved him.

Ain't...(non-media induced) love...grand.