Tubular Bell-ends

Like the graceful rhinoceros that I am, I stumbled over something the other day. Specifically, this video of a church attempting to cure a teenager of being gay.

By exorcism.

Of course they deny that it was an exorcism. That would be ridiculous. No, this was a straightforward casting out of spirits. Presumably the spirits of a dead motorcycle cop; a dead Indian; a dead construction worker and a dead cowboy.

I have read about attempts to ‘cure’ gay people before, for instance Anthony Perkins' (actor who played ‘Psycho’s Norman Bates) biography referred to him visiting someone that specialised in curing/conning angst-ridden homosexuals.

Amazingly, it didn't work.

The standard way for morally bankrupt bigots (or 'Therapists') to solve the problem of people having the audacity to find their own gender attractive is (predicatably) aversion therapy, be it through electro-shock treatment or nausea-inducing drugs. So for instance, should a gay man successfully have this therapy, be standing at a urinal and find a man next to him waving an erection around like an Orange user trying to find mobile reception, the man would promptly be sick onto it and wend his merry way.

So why exorcism? Seriously guys, I know you are devoutly religious and therefore prone to thinking that anything you don’t like in a man (like another man’s penis for example) is down to Beelzebub’s unholy meddling and not due to something as ker-azy as nature, but is exorcism really the most logical way of dealing with it? Do you honestly think the act accomplishes ANYTHING?

“Your problem is solved, hooray!”
“Hooray! So how did you manage it?”
“Well I shouted for a while, waved my arms around a bit and here we are. Sorted. Bob’s your uncle”
“Don’t change the subject. Now how about a cuddle...”
“Begone Satan!”

Perhaps they just prefer traditional methods. Which makes me wonder how they dry their ducking stool, inside by the radiator or outside by the pyre?

Either way, my favourite part of the story is actually where they say the church had taken care of the boy, providing him with clothes. "He was dressing like a woman..." they said. Well if they provide him with dresses what do they expect?




NB: This is all irrelevant really, since it wasn’t an exorcism was it. It was a casting out of spirits. Which reminds me, are you hungry? Fancy a sandwich? Oh, sorry I’ve not got anything for making sandwiches. Would some ham and mustard between two slices of buttered bread be ok? Excellent.