Woe to you, oh East and End

So, the wheels of Eastenders grind on, lubricated by the sweat of The Bill's casting director.

"Danielle!!"

[screech, clunk]

When I watched this I laughed so hard I nearly fell of the sofa. The Eastenders God looked down and boomed "noone shall be happy on Albert Square, noone! The punishment for such is…death!".
My laughter continued with Janine’s plea of “she leapt out in front of me”, when in fact she was standing in the middle of the road, unmoving and gurgling snot-bubbles. Like the genitals belonging a man sharing Janine's bed, that excuse simply will not stand up.