'Five Pass Out in a Gutter'

Take a look back there. That was a bank holiday that was. You can tell because it was mostly drizzly and for the rest of this week people will keep asking you what you got up to, as if by tacking an extra day onto your weekend you are guaranteed adventures that a regular weekend simply cannot encompass. In fact it is generally acknowledged that all of Enid Blyton's 'Famous Five' stories take place over bank holidays, as that's they only way the adventures could be completed and the mysteries solved. Apart from 'The Case of the Unwanted Pregnancy' of course, which was solved in an alley on an overcast Thursday afternoon. I recall Julian and Georgina didn't mention that one to the others until 'The Riddle of the Bloody Coathanger' in 1958.

One response could be "I went to the 'Jazz on Broadway' event", which took place on Sunday. Doesn't that look fun (and isn't the website attractive). I have actually hitched my wagon to that particular star on a previous occasion and emerged stained, hoarse and due to the exotic pricing structure imposed upon on all drinks, poorer than an unemployed church mouse (in fact wherever they live, mice have yet to develop a satisfactory system for funding a jobseekers allowance, primarily because mice are very resistant to taxation). This time I was busy attaining squatter's rights on a comfy Brighton sofa whilst others were jazzing all over Broadway, which I can recommend you try but would also ask you to find your own sofa.

Sadly, home being what it is, it must eventually be returned to so 10:30pm saw me returning from Brighton to Haywards Heath station and from there wandering in the direction of Castle Benenstein. Though it had failed to lure me, the prospect of £5 pints and a lack of requirement to make conversation had evidently proved too much for many, and my return took me through the wobbly masses who were en route to the fabled 'last train'. It was easy to see why they chose to name the street 'Broadway' as there is a definite air of glamour about it. I could think of nothing else in fact as I walked up through the steadily departing hordes. Sweating wobbly drunks farting down the street with burger grease dribbled down their shirt-fronts and couples demonstrating how lovely it is to be in a relationship by arguing in the middle of the road, showering each other's red-faces with spit and insults. Glenn Miller always brings out the best in people.

So anyway, hopefully you had a lovely one. The banks have now returned to work feeling refreshed, full of vimto and vinegar and are happily setting about ruining people's lives until their next break in August. You might like to start planning your next adventure.