Satan no longer has all the best tunes

After a long and painful battle with a particularly nasty bum-cancer, blonde 70's sexpot Farrah Fawcett has died. Shortly afterwards Michael Jackson (other Kings of Pop are available) popped himself into a coma and was pronounced dead of not breathing two hours later. Earlier this month David Carradine was found hanging neatly in his closet, so the rule of celebrities dying in threes can sit back in its chair with a smug look plastered on its fat face as it reaches over to the honey roasted cashews on the side table.

As is to be expected, this is very sad news. Death is like that. Though if Jackson (other Pops are available) was hoping to drum up excitement for his 50-date 'This Is It' O2 residency, I can't help but feel that dying was a rather poor marketing decision. I feel for his fans. Especially as they wailed great troughs of tears when they saw him perform, so as news of his death is beamed across the globe we are sure to see entire continents disappear beneath tsunamis of boo. I'm also concerned about congestion in London as 170,000 Jacko (other Popos are available) fans queue outside the O2 Arena seeking a refund. But then, as I don't live in London, my concern is about as short-lived as MJ (other KoPs are available)'s coma, which at two hours was really more of a nap. But let's not get dwell upon semantics.

Squeeking on the BBC website, Jermaine Jackson has asked for the media to respect the family's privacy during this difficult time. This shouldn't be difficult for the media, especially since Michael Jackson (other Kings of Pop are available) spent so much time out of the limelight anyway, and it's not as if the public has ever consumed Jackson-based conjecture like builders at a burger van. Jermaine always seems like quite a pleasant sort of chap to me, despite his painted on hair and the ethereal quality that comes with being part of the Jackson family. When he appeared in Celebrity Big Brother a few years ago he managed to avoid the whole 'Shilpa Popodom' idiocy by hiding behind dinner-plate sized Ray-Bans, and we all respected him for it. He was the voice of reason in a house riddled with imbicilic woodworm.

"And Allah be with you Michael".

I'm sorry?

You see as well as wafting through life like a celestial being, Jermaine Jackson has religion. Specifically he is a Muslim (according to Wikipedia, since 1989). Fortunately Michael (other Kings are available) also cuddled up to Islam, otherwise this Allah bloke could be making himself very unpopular with the recently de-lifed, turning up at funerals like an annoying neighbour, only to be turned away because "Ben never knew anyone called Alan".

Don't Forget the Lyrics

Britney Spears has launched her new world tour! Hurrah! And she sang live! Hurrah! Eight songs into the set! Hurr...eh?

It appears that Brit was expected to mime throughout, especially bearing in mind her goose-stepping performance of 'Womaniser' on tvland's X Factor, but no she decided to treat her loyal fans to a (almost) live song on the opening night. Well done her. I mean yes the tickets cost £100 but still, you don't expect a singer to actually sing do you? Of course not. Fortunately Ms Spears respects her fans more than that, and has opted to turn the volume down on the backing track for a soppy ballad called 'Everytime'. Now if she can learn the words to the other sixteen songs we'll be in business.